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      <span class="title" itemprop="headline">計程車奇遇記</span>
      <p class="time article" itemprop="datePublished" datetime="2012-04-09T12:35:27+08:00">April 9, 2012｜<span>瀏覽人數  2,789 次</span></p>
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        <p><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YAUibQU5Tp0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>人生在世偶爾都要坐坐計程車的，我個人最怕遇到三種司機
<br />一個是嚼檳榔又不開窗子通風，嚼到滿車檳榔味那種
<br />一個是不停的想聊天的，因為我個性必屬不愛跟陌生人講話能不搭腔就不搭腔
<br />第三種是硬是要聊政治的，通常硬要聊的如果不附和他後果不堪設想，但一附和他又會話閘子打開變成我最怕的第二種，反正怎麼說都很惱人
<br />一般來說遇到的機率不大啦，可能是在下也真的少坐計程車的關係
<br />不過我那天遇到了一位三合一的運將
<br />像即溶咖啡一樣完美融合三合一又像健達出奇蛋一次滿足您三個願望
<br />奇怪了我明明有去安太歲的啊。</p>

<p>那天公司同仁一起去一個鳥不生蛋的地方加班
<br />因為很偏遠所以要走時對方一口氣幫我們叫了五六台車，免得路邊叫車要等一輩子也不會來一輛
<br />叫完後好幾台車一起來，大家就各上各的也沒認真挑
<br />我跟著同車人走隨便上了一台，反正叫來的車通常品質都不會太差吧
<br />但＂通常＂不等於＂總是＂讀者們要把這話放在人生的錦囊裡。</p>

<p>我一上車就聞到整車瀰漫陳年老檳榔味
<br />其實新鮮的跟老的味道是有差的大家可以用心品味
<br />這就是一種吃到味道都滲入椅墊牆壁裡的氣味
<br />混雜著菸味讓人有點反胃
<br />再寫下去就要變成一首打油詩了啊喂～
<br />我們告訴司機要去哪，司機回了一串他知道要下哪個橋，接下來請我們指路之類的話，我們應允了他還是說個不停
<br />大意是台北市路他很不熟加上一些對路況的牢騷，而且講著講著會問我們問題檢查我們有沒有認真聽安捏
<br />可說真的他講台語腔有點重我和同事都聽不太懂，他一邊講我們兩在後座一邊相視苦笑想縮怎麼回啊，就看他何時停止吧
<br />沒想到他發條上很緊話都斷不了的，一面說一面逼問我們看法
<br />此時我同事說＂司機大哥對不起，其實我們兩都不是很懂閩南語＂
<br />我以為是禮貌的回覆告知為何他問什麼我們都不太回這樣
<br />沒想到這話激怒了他，大哥表示閩南語是共匪在說的我們台灣人說台語
<br />只有那些莫名奇妙的大陸人才會使用閩南字眼，然後又操著腔很重我聽不太懂的台語說了一堆話
<br />邊說邊開快車還鑽來鑽去的在車陣中不停變幻車道像在開自殺飛機一樣
<br />我年紀大了不能受驚（精也很難吧）（離題！）感覺有點胃弱啊。</p>

<p>之後他持續開著快車並且不齒我們聽不懂台語這件事
<br />不久我同事很幸運的到站先下車
<br />才一走司機就逼問我她是不是外省人，不，他是說馬你個b外省人
<br />我說不知道他回我：她的形狀一看就是（眼神堅定）！
<br />接下來他的話裡就這也馬你個b那也馬你個b大意是在說外省人有多討厭
<br />然後他回頭問我：妳該不會也是馬你個b吧！我說不是不是我是台北人
<br />他說你台北人怎麼可能不會講台語，我說真的啦我媽淡水人她台語很溜只是不會在家講啊～並且打算他再逼我我就要像成龍一樣打開車門滾出去了
<br />搭個車幹嘛接受這種拷問啊（問蒼天）
<br />結果他龍心大悅因為他也是淡水人問我是淡水哪區的
<br />並且說他姓陳是淡水的大姓，但重點是他車上的營業登記證明明是姓江（驚）！</p>

<p>上禮拜走進奇怪的店家這禮拜走上奇怪的計程車
<br />我是不是該去點個光明燈轉轉運啊．．．．</p>

<p>後記：
<br />其實他在開快車鑽來鑽去時我就因為害怕看了一下他的證件
<br />證件上的人比他年輕二十歲吧而且有戴眼鏡但開車的人是沒戴的
<br />我偷偷告訴我同事她說會不會他拿年輕時的照片呢
<br />私以為不太可能因為眼鏡一事太可疑
<br />老人家不太會戴隱形眼鏡吧更不會去雷射啊
<br />後來謎底揭曉還真不是同一個
<br />這是繼多年前誤入登記證跟醫生不是同一人的牙科診所後
<br />鄙人第二次遇到亂用證件的事真是太可怕了
<br />就算是同個車行車子可以這樣借人開的嗎
<br />還有這是叫來的車耶，以前總以為叫來的車品質應該比較精良但現在好像沒有了
<br />以前大車隊的車還會強調全隊用同一種芳香劑，車上有百合花然後司機戴手套這樣（其實我不愛司機戴手套，戴手套的人感覺就是要犯案怕留指紋啊！！）
<br />不過現在大車隊已經沒管理的這麼好了
<br />上上禮拜去工作也是坐到大車隊的車，我們從龍潭坐回台北叫到一台很破的
<br />車上可能沒冷氣因為司機堅持開著窗我頭都快被風吹走
<br />前天趕場去自由時報也一樣坐到大車隊
<br />我說要去瑞光路叉叉號時他沒說什麼
<br />駛了五分鐘後突然說他不會去要趕我下車
<br />我說沒關係我會走，很近的就往前捅過去右轉就好他還是堅持說他不會走要趕我
<br />我說我會走啊～～～～～
<br />他才說這個時間進內科會塞車他不要
<br />好任性的傢伙啊！</p>

<p>影片是我輸入計程車找到的
<br />日本的整人節目也太用心了吧</p>
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